Letting Go

28.02.18. The inevitable has arrived and the day we all dreaded.

Today, Bambi left us to cross the rainbow bridge.

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I am weeping buckets as I write this and I can’t stop crying. Bambi was a big part of me and the family. For the past 12 years, she was my loyal companion, always there with me when I am home and now, she’s not around anymore.  Home is not the same without her.

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In the last couple of days, she spiralled downhill. Incontinence came first, then she lost her strength and suffered dehydration.  Yesterday, she lost her voice, looked feeble, hardly ate nor moved much and I caught her looking blankly at the walls. Clearly she was unwell and suffering. Emotionally,  we were not ready to let her go which made this a very tough call for KL and I. However, we were unanimous in our thoughts that at the super age of 20 with failing kidneys, hyperthyroid and a swelling tumour on her back, she was only going to suffer more as the day passes.

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A shadow of her former self, Feb 2018
She must have had an inkling of what is to come. At 10 am today, she slept under our bed, something she hasn’t done in a while, while I waited for KL to pick us up. I decided against using the carrier that she so disliked. Instead, I wrapped her snugly in towels and cradled her like a baby on the ride to the clinic. It was our moment together before the final farewell and I am grateful for that. Under normal circumstances, she would have put up a struggle when we got out of the house but this time, she was quiet and seem contented to be in my arms. Oh, she peed on me, perhaps it’s her way of saying goodbye and leaving her mark on me.

I (wish to) think Bambi was ready to go because she was unusually quiet and laid very still on the vet’s table while preparations were underway. At 11.15 am, nice Dr Ng put Bambi to sleep putting an end to her suffering. She passed away peacefully, gazing at us, seconds after the shot was administered, in her favorite yellow towel, without a struggle nor did she gasped for air,  a common phenomenon that the vet had warned us about. I am thankful that she did not suffer much in her passing and her 2 favorite humans were present to send her off (I had always feared that she would go without saying goodbye and it would have been a huge regret in my life.)

Together with Bambi, we have had many pleasant memories and I thank our lucky stars that she came into our lives (thanks to mummy Sylvia).  She was a really really good cat and an amazing companion, beautiful too with her doleful eyes.  Yes, she had her moments like being finicky about food sometimes, bit (us in her younger days) when we touched her in a way she disliked, made us run in circles during bath time, chewed on anything that is made of plastic sheets or ignored us after our travel trips. But that’s Bambi and we love her all the same.

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Old but still sweet, Nov 2017
BB and KL
Watching telly with KL, Aug 2017
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Happy days in 2015
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Together, Dec 2017. She was already unwell with arthritis, a growth on her back and hyperthyroid.
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A super Octogenarian at 20, Dec 2017

It’s a very very sad day for KL and I but we take comfort in thinking that Bambi had a good life and a long one too. I miss her and the pitter patter sound of her walking. It will be different without her and I am sad. Heartbroken sad.

Love you Bambi, very very much.

 

 

 

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4 Comments

  1. Poh yee says:

    She has grown so frail that I almost cannot recognise. It is really sad to know she has passed on. We will always remember those moments where my little girl and myself chase after her…

    In her own quite and sometime not so friendly ways, she touched people. She will be remembered…

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  2. Ling says:

    She lost gradual weight over the past 2 years or so and looked gaunt in her last 6 months. We miss her. To have lived this long, it’s quite remarkable. I am glad Kasey and you have fond memories of her.

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  3. Perle says:

    Dear Mei Ling,

    Bambi will always have a special place in your heart even now that she has passed on. Take your time to grieve and think of the sweet memories of her. It will get easier to cope but the pain will never get lesser. Its been 3 years since my shih tzu left us and for the first 2 years i didnt dare to think about it because i will cry. But special fate brought you and Bambi together and she will be thankful you and KL gave her a loving home. Take care and slowly savour each of the wonderful memory she gave to you and KL. Take care. 😊

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  4. Ling says:

    Hi Pearle, the depth of sadness surprises me too, tears starts to flow the moment I think of her or see the empty spot she often slept on. Whatever mental preparations I did for this day didn’t lessen the sorrow. I keep telling myself she’s old, she had a good long life but no that doesn’t help too. I had thought the tears would dry up by now but no, my eyes are like a waterfall. I know time will heal the pain and we will have to grief our way through. I miss her and all this crying is giving me a headache.

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